


So We Can Start It All Over Again

by Angelsgrace



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Dreaming, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Lies, M/M, Rimming, Secrets, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, keeping up appearances - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-09 13:48:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1985238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelsgrace/pseuds/Angelsgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis had made a lot of life changing decisions.  If he had known the outcome,  everything would have been different.  But hindsight is always too late and all you are left with is the bitter taste of regret.</p><p>But is it possible to see the outcome before you make the choice?</p><p>All Harry and Louis want is to start it all over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Running Over Thoughts That Make My Feet Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Even if you hate my work, please can you let me know what you dislike about it? Constructive criticism is welcome if it has the ability to make my writing more enjoyable. Thank you for your time :) xx

“Louis William Tomlinson where are you?” fumed Harry Styles storming through the front door of the house Eleanor and Louis shared together, letting the door slam shut behind him. He was so cross. This was just like Louis. He did stupid things and then it was all left to Harry to fix everything. His intense green eyes scanned the empty living room, and then exited almost as quickly, gripping the bottom of the banisters to give himself an extra launch at running up the stairs.  
“Haz?” Louis’ voice sounded distant and far away.  
Harry made a beeline for the master bedroom.

Louis drifted out of the bedroom door just as Harry reached it.  
“What’s up?” he asked, his face a picture of concern as he took in both Harry’s frown and tone of voice.  
“You have got some explaining to do” Harry hissed at him shoving a think envelope into his hands which almost pushed him over “You’ve really screwed up this time!”

Louis instinctively clamped his mouth shut. This was possible. He did end up screwing up a lot of things. But he was sure that this wasn’t anything as big as before. Harry was obviously just exaggerating. But as he had learned from all the hundreds of times before. It was best to keep his mouth shut until he had heard all the information.

“Should I sit down?” he asked hesitantly, not too keen about the wild look in Harry’s eyes, but he was barely able to finish his sentence when Harry’s mouth was suddenly crashing against his own. He instinctively dropped the envelope in order to respond to the kiss properly. His fingers tangled in the thick curls as he felt Harry grab at his waist, hoisting him up into his arms.  
“I. Thought. I. Was. In. Trouble!” grasped out Louis as Harry carried him out of the master bedroom and into the spare room a few doors down. Fingers digging into his flesh as he gripped tightly onto his thighs.  
“You are” Harry panted, but it didn’t feel like it.  
It had been far too long since Louis had Harry touching him and he’d missed it so much. He kissed Harry, long drawn out greedy kisses, trying to start the next one before the previous had stopped, nipping at his bottom lip with his teeth, sliding his tongue alongside the younger boys, who was returning each gesture with as much passion and enthusiasm as he was giving.  
“How long?” Harry asked him breathlessly laying Louis across the bed, his kisses turning sloppy as he scrambled to undo the button and zip on Louis’ jeans, only pulling his swollen lips away to grab hold of the waist band to hastily pull them off, followed closely behind by his boxers.  
With a low moan of want, Louis sprang up into sitting position swatting Harry’s hands away from where he was fumbling with his own jeans, his big hands and thicker fingers not moving fast enough for his liking.  
Louis yanked them down so that they were stuck halfway down his thighs, intentionally locking Harry into standing in one place.  
“Not long enough”  
Harry couldn’t help himself but whine as Louis held tightly to both of his wrists, preventing him from moving his jeans any lower down in his legs, the moaned loudly as licked up his inner thigh, hungrily sucking bruises on the sensitive parts of skin that no one else would see. He swirled his tongue, paying special attention to Harry’s balls. He was reacting the exact way that Louis wanted him to. Sobs of pure pleasure escaped Harry’s mouth, breathing hard, curls getting in his eyes, arms straining to be released, as he watches Louis look up at him through his eyelashes and lick a thick deliberately hard stripe up the entire length of his flushed red and achingly beautiful cock, sucking on the end, lovingly coaxing more pre come so that he could smear it over his lips, then lock eyes with Harry and teasingly slowly lick it off with the tip of his tongue, making the boy struggle to bend over and kiss him.  
He loved it when he had Harry completely under his control, seeing him all flustered and slightly shaking under his touch, made him worth waiting for.  
Trusting Harry not to do anything naughty with his hands, Louis let go of his wrists. Grasping his small taunt perfect little ass with both hands, circling his leaking slit once more, Louis suddenly became too overwhelmed, opening his mouth and throat and swallowing Harry’s entire length down in one go, gripping his ass cheeks in both hands, forcing him to snap his hips back and forth, fucking his mouth and throat. He choked slightly. His eyes watered, but he couldn’t stop. He wanted to completely devour Harry, it wasn’t enough to hear him gasp and whine above him, wasn’t enough that he was shaking from head to foot, thrusting him into his throat.  
“Lou, stop!” gasped Harry, suddenly putting both of his hands on Louis’ shoulders and pushing him backwards, so he slipped out of Louis’ mouth with a very well defined ‘pop”.  
“I need to be inside you babe” he just about managed to say “Want to come inside you!”

Louis accepted. They were running out of time.  
“Don’t prep me” he rasped out, he could still feel the head of Harry hitting the back of his throat “Just get inside me!”  
And with that he threw himself backwards onto the bed, spreading his legs as wide as they could go.  
Louis had never seen Harry so eager to get his own trousers off.  
“Need. Need a taste” he groaned, burying his face between Louis’ deliciously thick thighs and pressing his mouth right against his asshole, knowing there wasn’t enough time to give it the proper attention that he knew it deserved, he had barely seen his perfect tight little hole before he had fully thrust his tongue inside, massaging the walls, twisting it back and forth. Harry could feel Louis squirming around above him, making the most adorable little grunts. Spreading his palms out on the older boys hips and pressing him down into the mattress to hold him still, Harry was now frantic. There wan’t enough time. With the loudest moan yet, he pulled his tongue out, took his hard, aching, leaking cock in his hand and pressing the head right against Louis’ hole that was shiny with his saliva.  
“Do it!” Louis begged “Need you Haz, need you now!”  
He was sounding as desperate as Harry felt. In one sharp thrust that made Louis scream out and Harry groan loudly, he was fully inside him, pounding into him, Louis’s whole body jerking with every thrust, Harry was grabbing his legs, throwing them over his shoulders, his legs were shaking, the bed was banging against the wall and Louis was almost crying as Harry found the angle to hit him consistently and directly right on his prostate.  
“Haz! Haz! I’m co..com….aghhhhhhh!” Louis yelled out, ribbons of thick white cum shooting up in the air between them, landing on his stomach, Harry’s chin….he clenched hard, his hole spasming making Harry finally let out a high pitched cry as he shuddered and came himself, filling Louis up and then flopping forward. Two hot sweaty, panting bodies, pawing at each other so that they could hold each other in their arms for just a little bit longer.

 

“I love you” whispered Louis as Harry sat up a little, pulling himself out, and watching as a stream of Harry’s own cum streamed out of Louis’ now empty hole and all over the duvet.  
Harry gave him a half smile “I love you too” he whispered back, and with that, he leaned over the love of his life, and pressed a small kiss to his lips, that was now more loving than needing.  
“How long have we got?” he asked sadly  
“Half an hour” Louis answered in the same tone after checking his watch “It’s never enough is it?”  
“No” replied Harry instantly “But it’s what we signed up for”  
“Just something else I screwed up” muttered Louis standing up and making his way towards on en suit “By the way” he threw back to Harry, who was in the middle of his ritual of taking off the soiled duvet cover to be changed.  
“Are you going to tell me what I did wrong?”  
“As soon as you’re showered and dressed love” Harry answered, suddenly frowning again “It doesn’t matter who is around to hear that conversation!”


	2. Hole In the Middle of My Heart Like a Polo

“So what did I do?” asked Louis once he was freshly showered. His hair was tousled and damp where he’d only towel dried it.  
“You sold our house!” spat Harry looking like he was close to tears “Our house Lou! How could you do that!”

Louis looked at Harry’s distraught face and felt his own crease up with frowns of confusion   
“No I didn’t!”  
“Read the fucking papers I got in the post today then!” Harry shoved the envelope at him again. Only this time he didn’t stop the conversation by kissing him.  
“You read it wrong then” Louis shrugged bluntly sitting down on the pristine white settee in the grand living room “Because there is no way I would ever do that. I’d never sign the papers”  
Harry was standing over him, glaring at him with a mixture of hurt and resentment. He snatched it back, opened the envelope and rifled through it before handing him a particular document.  
“That. Is your signature” he said holding waving it in front of Louis’ face and jabbing one of his long fingers at the squiggle that was Louis’ signature “And you see that?” he asked biting his lip “That is where you forged mine! Didn’t you think they would send me a copy of the paperwork too? Or are you too thick that it didn't cross your mind and you didn’t think I would find out?”

Harry let Louis take the document off him and sank down next to him on the settee, leaning forward with his head in his hands, not saying a word.  
Louis took his time to read through the document, and then delved further into the envelope to find a letter from the bands solicitors.  
“This is bullshit Haz!” he insisted “I have never even seen this, let alone signed it!”  
Harry moved his hands slightly and tilted his face so he was looking sadly at Louis through his fingers.  
“Whatever Lou” he whispered “You made it pretty clear what you wanted years ago. When are you going to stop lying to me?” a lone tear started to trickle down Harry’s face and in an instant Louis was on his knees in front of him on the floor, worming his body between his knees, cupping his face in his hands and looking deep into his eyes, sincerity pouring out of his eyes. Looking heartbroken himself he pressed a small kiss to mop the tear up.  
“I swear Haz. I didn’t do this” he said “But it will all be fine. We can stop this and it will all be fine”  
“Why do you think I’m angry Lou?” Harry said as he pulled his face away from Louis’ soft hands “We can’t stop it, I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything. The only thing we can do is go and pick up our stuff”  
“But…” Louis stared at the crumpled paper in his hands as thought it was going to bite him “That was our house…it was ours…it was all we had left!”  
“We both know why that is” Harry glared at him getting up “I’m just gonna go. There are some things that I don’t want to watch”

Louis let Harry leave, watching from where he sat numbly on the floor, his long lean skin tight jean covered legs walk away from him. He couldn’t take it all in. It just felt like he was losing Harry all over again….it had been painful enough the first time. He only knew that Harry had left when he heard the front door slam loudly.  
He shifted uncomfortably as he sat down. It was the only reason he didn’t want Harry to prep him first…he wanted to remember later that it had actually happened. That it wasn’t his mind playing tricks on him. Like it was with the deeds to the house. He looked at the paper once more. That was his signature….but he had no idea how it got there.

His thoughts were interrupted as he heard the front door opening once more and a little part of him died a little inside.  
“Louis! Where are you baby?” came the light airy voice of his wife Eleanor Tomlinson “Come and see what we did today!”  
Louis shook his head to get his thoughts together, then plastered his biggest smile on his face and stood up calling out to make his whereabouts known.  
A little boy toddled in first, clutching his mummy’s hands.  
“Daddy!” he screamed happy diving at his dad’s legs and hugging them tightly.  
“Hey little buddy” beamed Louis sweeping his son Oliver up in he air and giving him a kiss on the forehead “Did you have fun with mummy?”  
“Ducks!” was all his son laughed gleefully clapping his little hands together delightedly “Ducks daddy!”  
Eleanor stroked his little face with her finger, cooing proudly at her baby.  
“We went to the park and fed the ducks” she translated and leaned past Oliver to kiss her husband “It was really fun. You should have come with us, we missed you”  
Carefully she took Oliver from Louis’ arms “I’m going to put him down for his nap” she told him “Meet me upstairs in a few minutes”  
She gave him another long soft kiss on his mouth, and with a little shy smile, she left the room, Oliver happily waving at his daddy from over her shoulder.

Louis couldn’t help but wonder if she had been able to taste Harry on his tongue like he still could. He missed Harry already. And it was all his fault.

He re-read the letter one more time - which was really where he wanted his attention to remain for the rest of the evening, but for now. He had to put his problems and Harry to the side and see through the consequences to his actions.

He dragged his feet to feet up to the master bedroom. It was a nice room, but like the rest of the house, it had been decorated to Eleanor’s tastes and not his.  
Eleanor was already in the room. Wearing some very expensive black lace lingerie and lighting candles.  
“Hey baby” she breathed gliding over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck whilst seductively kissing him on the mouth.   
Louis kissed her back. Admittedly she was a very good kisser. Soft and sweet and sensual. She had a beautiful little body and in the three years that they had been married, he had to admit the sex was alright. More so for her though than for him though.

Ever since the beginning, sex meant nothing to Eleanor without a long, drawn out build up. Lots of foreplay. Lots of whispering, kissing, touching. Pleasing her sexually took an awful lot of work. And for a while Louis prided himself of being able to take care of her needs and could honestly hand on his heart say, that he’s never left her unsatisfied.   
It was just a shame he had to imagine he was with Harry in order to do it. But he’d made his choice so now he just had to lie in the bed he’d made.

“I love you so much Louis” murmured Eleanor as she pulled him over to the bed gently by hooking a finger into the front of his shorts.  
Louis just kissed her faking passion. He loved Harry. He only loved Harry.


	3. Tongue Tied Over Three Words

Louis awoke the next morning to soft lips pressed against his neck, gentle hands in his hair and a small light body grinding against his crotch.  
Green eyes, curly brown hair, taunt, tight stomach muscles and large puffy lips attacked his mind, making him whine involuntary at the memory.  
Lips trailed lightly up his neck from his collarbone, along his jaw and came to rest on his mouth. Soft sweet kisses of pure adoration.   
The grinding increased, he could feel dampness on the tip of his dick, which he was sure wasn’t from him. Out of reflex he bucked his hips slightly and a breathy gasp was loud in his left ear as something warm and wet clenched around it. Hair smelling like jasmine was in his face, pulling him further into consciousness - taking him away from his memories and dragging him kicking and screaming into reality.  
It was the same almost every morning. He’d be dreaming about his boy, and he’d wake up horny as hell with Eleanor on top of him, desperate to make love to him again.

He could only vaguely remember back when he and Eleanor had first got together, that he had been ecstatic to find out about her high sex drive and took advantage of it whenever possible. Now he found himself having to go through the motions, to keep up the facade of how deeply in love he was. Just one more regret to add to his list.  
He moaned in spite of himself as her hip movements began to get more erratic and he knew by experience that she was only a few good thrusts away from coming. Eleanor liked to be under him when she orgasmed, she liked to be kissed as she came down from her high, and she liked it when her husband came inside her at the same time.  
Louis had the moves down perfectly. With one hand on the back of her head, and the other on her hip, he rolled her onto her back, capturing her lips with his own, feeling the familiar rise of heat in his lower stomach, thrusting into her, once. Twice. Three times before she latched her hands onto his backside, forcing him as deep inside her as possible, little high pitched wails echoing around Louis’ mouth as his cock bucked inside her as he came. Giving her a couple of precise, lengthly kisses, he rolled off her and onto his side, where he gathered her into his arms and spooned her, his heart beating fast in his chest. He felt dirty. Guilty. Mentally unclean. But he held his wife in his arms because she loved this level of “intimacy”. And who was he to deny her. After all. She was the one who still believed this was all real!  
Linking their fingers in front of her face, she brought their hands up to her mouth and kissed each one of his knuckles.  
“We could be getting pregnant right now”   
Louis could hear his wife smiling.  
“I’m so happy we’re trying for another baby” she carried on happily, she turned around in his arms and buried her face into his chest “I love you so much Louis. We really do have the perfect family. You make me so happy"

Leaving Eleanor to relax and sleep, Louis pulled on some boxers and a pair of shorts and crept through the adjoining door to the nursery.  
Oliver was quietly playing in his cot. At eighteen months he was the most beautiful little boy Louis could have ever imagined and as he picked him up, his son delightfully giggling and poking at his cheeks. He was honestly the best thing that ever came out of this relationship, and in fact the last five years.  
He could remember the day that they had found out they were expecting so well. He’d been at Harry’s. To be exact he had been balls deep inside Harry when his phone had gone off.   
Thirty, hot, sweaty, frantic minutes later whilst Harry was sleepily kissing, well, more mouthing at his neck than anything else. Louis had drained him. He’d listened to the message and he’d almost gone deaf from the excited squeals through the speaker from Eleanor saying how they were having a baby and to come home soon. She was so excited! Louis was terrified.   
“Eleanor’s pregnant?” asked Harry numbly removing his lips from Louis’ skin and propping himself up on one elbow, staring at Louis in astonishment.  
Louis felt numb. There was a buzzing in his ears, the walls seemed like they were closing in on him. He nodded. Unable to look Harry in the eye.  
“And it’s yours?” Harry wanted to clarify, moving a little further away and groping around on the floor for his discarded underwear.  
“Of course” Louis glancing up at him with a frown on his face “I’m….I’m her husband”  
“So you still…..” Harry let his face trail off as his face heated up “With her…not heard of condoms then?”  
“We…uh….we’ve….” Louis started to say, but stopped. How could he explain to Harry that they had never seen the need for condoms since they were both in a committed and trusting relationship.  
“Get out!” Harry bit out harshly, throwing on a t-shirt and stamping over to the door. He said no more. He wouldn’t look at Louis who had himself hurriedly pulled on his clothes and scurried out. He didn't even try to excuse himself, there was nothing he could say.

Harry heard the front door close before he slid down the wall and collapsed into tears. He had been able to ignore the depth of Eleanor and Louis’ relationship for such a long time. He could pretend he wasn’t married by taking off Louis' platinum ring. He could pretend that they didn’t have sex because the thought of Louis making love to Eleanor like he did with Harry, sickened him beyond belief. That she was getting off from his cock just like Harry.  
But Louis getting Eleanor pregnant took all that away. He’d never be able to pretend ever again. And it hurt. It tore into his insides and left holes in every single thought he’d wished was true. Because Louis needed to be able to cum in order to make a baby. He had to cum inside Eleanor. He had to enjoy sex with Eleanor. Louis was enjoying sex with someone who wasn't Harry.  
Harry refused to bottom for Louis ever again.

After feeding his son his breakfast and taking him upstairs to cuddle with his mummy in bed as she watched morning tv with the cup of tea and toast Louis had brought her, the husband got dressed in long denim shorts, a black vest and his new black and white checked vans.  
“Gonna go sort the house out love” he told his wife, giving her a kiss goodbye “Gonna stay over so I can bring everything back on one go. You two will be ok won’t you?”  
Eleanor looked a little disappointed but she smiled regardless bouncing Oliver in her arms.  
“Of course baby” she promised and pulled his face down towards hers so that she could kiss him properly “I love you”  
Louis’ face was serious as he slowly leaned into her and kissed her once more gently and soothingly, then smiled, stroking her cheek with his finger.  
“See you later buddy” he told Oliver and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. He needed to hurry. He wanted to get his bit over and done with before Harry decided to do the same.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis had brought the house with Harry back when they were just best friends. It was never something that they had set out to do, but they had been out for a drive in Harry’s new Range Rover and driven past it. There had been a For Sale sign outside and the next thing they had known, the deeds had both their signatures on it, and they were moving in together.  
Hand on heart it had been one of the best times in Louis’ life. The two of them had always had so much fun together. From the moment they met, they had just fitted together. Without question, without reason. It was back then that they could pretty much read each others mind and were so in sync with each other.  
It was back then that nobody minded that closeness they shared. The house itself wasn’t in the best condition. It was very old. Tudor style with old beams decorated the ceilings on the inside, dark diamond shaped window panes that needed a good clean, and the driveway past the tall iron gates and surrounding front garden was overgrown with weeds and a selection of self sown plants.  
Even though he hadn’t been back to the house for almost six years, his key had never left his key ring. He’d left it there as a reminder of everything he could have had.

As he was closing the iron gates behind him, when a man with ginger hair, who he vaguely recognised came close to the gates whilst walking a dog.  
“So you’re the one moving into the house of shadows?” he grinned at him “The owners will be happy to see you. They’ve been waiting”  
The man winked at him, still grinning. And if Louis hadn’t have been having so much trouble with the gate lock, Louis might have been able to look up and ask what he was on about, or to even see which direction he had left in.

It felt strange to actually be using the key. Part of him was surprised it even still worked.  
The inside was nothing like he remembered it. A thick layer of dust coated everything, and it smelt musty and forgotten. It was also darker. He wondered why the man had called it the house of shadows. Considering the state of it, the name did fit. Louis wondered if he would be expected to clean the house before it was given to the next owners. He hoped not. Out of himself and Harry, he was definitely not the domestic one.  
He made his way through the hallway and into the living room, which used to be the most used room of the house. He remembered liking it so much, because it was so light and airy. But six years of being locked up had just left it damp and musty and very cold, making him shiver through his thin top.  
Pulling the thick curtains aside, he looked wistfully outside into the sunny garden, bringing back memories of hot summer days, running around having hosepipe fights, cuddles on the trampoline. 

Louis wasn’t sure exactly how long he had been standing there for, but it felt as though he had blinked and it was dark. He’d been there for hours and he hadn’t done a thing. Just stared out the window dreaming about how things used to be. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Louis pulled up the only picture of Harry he had left. He wanted to call him. Just to hear his voice, maybe suggest that he comes over and they do this together, but Louis knew exactly what that would lead to.  
He could feel tiredness taking over him, and maybe he was just very good at procrastinating, but he really couldn’t bring himself to start doing what he came to do.  
Picking up his bag once more, he began to drag himself upstairs to the attic that he and Harry had once made their bedroom. It was definitely their favourite room in the house with its sloping ceilings, wooden beams and skylight windows. As he approached the doorway, the sound of a clock ticking became more prominent, little shadows (probably moths) flickered across the ceiling and he realised just how icily cold it was becoming.

Realising there would be no lights because of course it had been years since they had paid an electricity bill, Louis set about lighting the candles that were still left dotted around their bedroom. He frowned, what usually made the room look warm and cosy, was doing nothing than make dancing shadows flutter across the walls and he glanced over at the window just in time to see a fleeting shadow, which for an instant looked like a little boy. But that was impossible. He shrugged and laughed nervously to himself. He would be definitely only be staying for one night. He would be gone by tomorrow night.

Tucked into his and Harry’s former bed minutes later, Louis let himself sink down into the cosy mattress and blankets, watching the ceiling sleepily, his eyes heavy with sleep. The room was shifting around him uncomfortably, and it didn’t surprise Louis to feel like he was being watched.  
All of a sudden there was a huge gust of air, the candle flames shrank to the size of a pinprick, then flared brighter than ever. Louis sat bolt up right in bed as the curtains in front of the closed window billowed out, an owl hooting beyond them. At the edges of the room, shadows seemed to gather together, seeping towards Louis as a thin white mist filled the air.  
Louis stared disbelieving at the mist which was growing so thick that he could barely see the walls around him anymore. Panic was setting in, struggling to get up, the burning taste and smell of smoke starting to choke him. One of the candles must have caught. This was how he was going to die! Alone! In his and Harry’s bed! Without Harry.

Then as swiftly as the smoke had come, it was gone. Completely disappeared and the air was clear….clearer than it had done before. Then a number of things stuck him all at once.  
Sunlight was streaming through the newly washed windows. The room was clean and tidy and instead of smelling musty and unused - it smelled of lavender. Was he asleep? It didn’t seem very different to the dreams he had nightly. Only there was no Harry there.

“Louis!” 

Louis jumped out of bed in shock, his heart beating fast. That was Harry! Harry was here. In their house and he sounded like he was in pain!  
Before he could think Louis was out of bed and flying down the stairs to find him. And there he was. In the living room.  
But he looked different from when he’d seen him yesterday.  
For one thing he was anxiously pacing back and forth, almost tipping over his feet in haste. His hair was shorter, more obviously curly, but was long enough at the front for him to shake it backwards - just like he always did before he discovered head scarves.   
He instantly felt bad. This was something they should have done together. He shouldn’t have come on his own.  
“What’s up Haz?” he asked carefully going nearer to him “How did you even know I was here?”

But Harry ignored him. Instead he continued to pace up and down the living room. Anxiously looking out of the windows into the drive way and cursing every now and then before taking up the pace once more.  
Harry’s phone rang from where he had it gripped tightly in his hand.  
“Hello?” he barked, and then he stopped pacing.  
“It’s happening now Liam!” Harry choked out “I don’t know what to do!”  
Harry started to cry. Big fat tears slid down his slightly pudgy cheeks, where he still had a little remaining baby fat.  
Louis’s heart ached as Harry began to cry, and he rushed to his side, but Harry just ignored him once more and turned his back on Louis to look out the window once more.   
“He just said yes Liam” Harry was saying sadly “He just let them say their piece and then he agreed and said it was fine. He signed it! He signed it right in front of me without even asking me what I thought and now he’s leaving me! He’s leaving me right now and I can’t stand it!”

Harry began to sob louder, still clutching the phone to his cheek, still looking out of the window, still ignoring Louis who was stood right at his side.  
Then Harry was on the move again. He turned abruptly, and before Louis could get out of his way he crashed right into him…or he would have done…but the oddest thing had just happened.   
Harry had walked through Louis. Just walked through the bit of space as though he was vapour.   
This slightly pleased Louis a little bit. It just confirmed that he was asleep. It explained a lot. It explained why Harry only looked like he was seventeen instead of twenty three. It explained why the house was so clean and beautiful and just like he had remembered when they had first moved in.   
It would only be natural for him to dream about things like these when he was back in his old bed. Feeling a sense of freedom that he didn’t usually get in his dreams, Louis went over to the window to see what Harry was looking at.  
The garden for starters looked breathtaking. Gone were the weeds and the plants, but instead there was the lush wide lawn he’d remembered and the newly paved driveway where he and Harry kept their cars.  
“I can’t!” he tuned back into what Harry was saying, right in his ear since he was now standing on top of Louis to look outside himself.  
“I can’t be without him Liam, I love him too much! This is just too screwed up now! Wait. I’ve gotta go, I’ll call you back”  
Harry hung up the phone, shoving it into his back pocket and ran for the front door, wiping his tears on the back of his Jack Wills hoodie he was wearing. Curious, Louis followed.  
The sunlight was blinding when he went outside and suddenly the weight of the memory he was in, came slamming into his conscience. The bit he’d just been in must have been his imagination, because where he was now was something he had lived through before. And it was bad enough the first time.

He could see himself. Standing next to a car that wasn’t his holding a backpack in one hand and a large suitcase in the other. He wasn’t smiling, nor was he frowning. Instead he looked empty, like his insides had gone on holiday and left a very vacant little boy behind. He couldn’t see the hurt on his dreams face, but he felt it as strongly as thought it had only just happened.  
Looking away, he looked back towards the house. He knew what he was waiting for. He’d relived this moment a thousand times.  
The front door opened and a tall sinister figure in a long flowing coat stepped out and stood framed by the door way. It must have been because he was remembering this from another persons perspective, but it looked as though his dream self and dream Harry who were both staring at him with rapt attention, paused to shrink back.  
And then, moving in slow motion, Harry dived on his dream self, almost knocking him to the ground.  
“Don’t do it! Please don’t do it!” he begged, crying openly into Louis’ neck, clawing at his t-shirt and body with his blunt fingers “I’ll do anything, please don’t listen to them!”

It was exactly the same as he remembered and repeated over and over again. Only watching it was always more painful than living it - his memory wouldn’t let it go.

The man at the doorway strode towards them. A look of cold purpose on his face.  
“I believe we are ready to go” he said stiffly and motioned for dream Louis to get into the car.  
“Please don’t do this!” Harry pleaded, clutching at Louis tightly who at the time had his eyes squeezed tight shut, his face pale and drawn. His posture so stiff and rigid, not even hugging harry back.  
So that’s what he had looked like. He’d never seen his own face in his dreams before.  
“Please don’t make him leave here. It’s his home! It’s our home!”

The man ignored Harry’s pleas and instead flicked his fingers off Louis’ shoulder and arm and pushed him roughly into the car before following into it himself.

From the window - he man, who Louis knew only too well to be the head of his management team - looked straight at real Louis. His piercing eyes intense enough to burn spots through his torso. Louis shivered as the man smiled, not warmly, but with a cold, evil grimace.  
The car drove off smoothly and Harry raced to the driveway gates crying pitifully before pulling out his phone and dialling a number.  
“He’s gone Liam!” his voice was cracked and desperate “He’s really gone. He actually left me!”

Louis gulped. Guilt washing over him, just like the mist that had appeared from nowhere, chilling him to the bone, shrouding the house and driveway. Swallowing Harry and everything else up in it. Until his own head began to spin and everything faded into black.


	5. Chapter 5

After Harry had left Louis’ house he had gone straight around to see Ed Sheeran’s place. Ed was expecting him having been called from the car on the way over, and opened the door before Harry had even lifted his hand to knock.  
“Alright mate?” he asked gently, guiding Harry through to the kitchen “What’s been going on?”  
“Louis” was all Harry had to say for Ed to nod understanding immediately. He knew all about the trials and tribulations of the Harry/Louis saga and although he was mates with both of them, it was Harry who he considered to be a friend. He’d only ever seen Harry heartbroken and upset. All he’d seen from Louis was him having a relationship with a woman and keeping poor Harry dangling.  
Harry slumped over the kitchen table, head hiding in the crook of his elbow.  
“He sold our house” Ed heard him mutter into the wood “It’s actually over Ed….it was the last thing we had together”  
“Maybe that’s for the best” suggested Ed kindly. He knew it wasn’t what Harry would want to hear, and he knew that Harry’s heart and head were all far too full of Louis to be able to think clearly about anything else. But Harry had needed to move on for a long time.  
Harry lifted his head and looked at him blankly.  
“He loves me Ed”  
Ed bit his tongue. He sat down besides Harry and lowered his head, looking right into his eyes.  
“Harry. Lets go over this again eh?”  
Harry sighed. He knew what was coming. Ed went through the same thing with him every time something about Louis had upset him.  
“From the start?” he asked him warily   
“From the start” Ed confirmed “Now pay attention, and really think about what I’m saying”  
Harry said nothing. Just stared at the table.  
“Ok. So you and Louis met. You had a connection right from the start…”  
“Right from the first word…” Harry repeated sadly, and he fingered the place on his arm where his ‘Hi’ tattoo was etched, written in Louis’ own handwriting.  
“You became best friends, you moved in together, you were together 24/7. Then, he got with Eleanor, you got jealous…”  
Harry put his head in his hands. He didn’t like this part of the story.  
“Then, you got drunk and you told him how you felt about him. Then you kissed…”  
Harry moaned slightly at the memory.  
“So he admitted his feeling for you and together you embarked on what you always made sound like a fairytale romance. Until you both got a little too carried away by flaunting your newly found love in public, and management stepped in”  
Ed remembered this only too well. He had been on the end of many phone calls debating what Harry should be doing about the situation.  
“However you and Louis were rebels and decided to buy a house together, like the perfect little couple that you were…all whilst Louis is meant to be having a very serious relationship with Eleanor, which he insists to you is just a showmance, and you are the one he is properly in love with and dedicated to”  
Ed pauses, noticing Harry obviously cringing at his words. He was feeling a little bad. But this was his job. He was the voice of reason in the friendship, and Harry was badly in the need of guiding.   
“However. It emerges that Louis is a little more dedicated to Eleanor than he had you believe. She turns up to a party with love bites on her neck. And when questioned, Louis looks guilty and doesn’t deny them”  
Harry whines and his hands clutch at the side of the table, his knuckles going white.  
“Louis moves out of your house at the request of the management without even arguing about it. Leaving you heartbroken and crying for days. He doesn’t text you, he doesn’t call you. You don’t even see him until your next interview and the first thing he does is bend you over in the toilets…and…well…thankfully you didn’t go into too much detail over that!” he gives a nervous little chuckle and feels a smudge better when he sees a small one second twitch of one on Harry’s lips.  
“Anyway. So basically he is banging you and…”  
“We never ‘banged”” Harry objected “I was more than just a shag to him…I know I was…”  
“I’m sorry” Ed retracted “Well you were still having an intimate relationship whilst he was openly with Eleanor which continued through the engagement, after the wedding - which was real, not a fake one - and up until the point where you found out that Louis was having a physical relationship with her because it turned out that she was pregnant with his child”  
Ed could no longer ignore the stream of tears flowing down Harry’s face as the cold hard facts of the last eight years were read back to him.  
“Would you like to remind me of the rest?” he asked politely putting a caring hand on Harry’s shoulder as it shook softly.  
Harry didn’t want to. He didn’t like remembering how he and Louis hadn’t spoken for months. How he’d hidden away, not being able to face seeing Eleanor’s delighted face pop up everywhere, happy photos of her and her husband with her growing baby bump, posing for pictures in magazines - always the same shot, his arms tightly around her with his hands cupping the bump. Or him lovingly pressing a kiss against it.  
For Harry it was agony. He could remember the night that she gave birth and Louis had text him for the first time since they had found out. It wasn’t even a private message to him. It had probably been sent to everyone in his address book.

It’s a boy. 8 lbs, 2oz. Welcome to the world Oliver Louis Tomlinson!

There was a picture attached. The three of them all squashed into the small single hospital bed, Louis’ arms wrapped around his wife as she held their brand new baby. All teary smiles and radiating joy and happiness.

Harry had cried. Got drunk. Called the boys, who one by one came over to his house and sat with him whilst he drank more, cried more and eventually passed out in Niall’s lap.  
It had been a hard time. But he could always rely on his boys to be there for him when he desperately needed them. Of course, he never dreamed that Louis would be the reason they needed to fix him.

And they did. Separately they all exorcised and patched, glued and sowed Harry together, until there wasn’t any part of Louis in his life. He moved in with Niall. Contact was only made for work commitments and not in their free time. That lasted for almost a year.

There had been a party for Ed’s album launch. Harry had of course been attending, as had Louis with the rest of the band.  
Harry had been larking around with one of his best mates Nick Grimshaw. Ed was happy to see Harry with him. Nick made Harry laugh and there was nothing more smile worthy than a laughing Harry.

Stuck to Harry’s side like glue, Nick kept his glass full, danced with him, dragged him all around the room talking to all his famous friends and really looked after him.  
Ed couldn’t help but notice that Louis’ eyes were following him around the entire night. Unsmiling, unhappy…in fact…an incredibly miserable Louis started to follow Harry around like a helpless puppy - finally cornering him in the bathroom.

“Harry please!” Louis begged, the alcohol obviously taking control as his sloppy actions and slurred words showed “Baby, please talk to me…I miss you so much!”  
“Don’t call me that!” snapped Harry “I am not your baby anymore!” he gave Louis a gentle shove away from him, wanting him to get the point but not wanting to hurt him. Louis stumbled slightly and leant against the wall.  
“Why don’t you love me anymore?” he whined looking crestfallen “You used to love me Haz! Why don’t you love your Louis anymore?”  
“Don’t you dare say that to be again!” raged Harry slamming his fist against the wall next to Louis’ head. He was furious. Absolutely furious. How could Louis question his love for him when Louis was the one who…..well how dare he!  
Louis tried to get close to him. He was trying to curl up in Haz’s arms just like he used to do, hands snaking around his waist, his chin resting on his chest.  
“I miss you Haz” he softly wept “I want my baby back! I love you so much”

Harry resisted. Tried to stretch away from Louis. But he’d gotten hold of the collar of his shirt and was pulling at it, trying to get his face to his level.  
“Please baby” he was mumbling “Please forgive me…there’s been no one but you Haz, no one!”  
But as much as he tried, Harry was weak. Harry missed Louis so much. Harry wanted Louis more than anything he had ever wanted. So throwing away his dignity and his pride, he stopped resisting and let Louis do it. He let him wrap his hands around his neck, push their bodies together and let Louis kiss him. As he felt his lips mould together with his, exactly like they used to, making his body tingle and his mind scream with delight. He knew this would probably be the biggest mistake of his life. But it was definitely a mistake worth making.

From that moment. It had been easier to keep things quiet. They knew all the tricks these days. But Harry still didn’t understand why Louis still insisted on staying with Eleanor. It didn’t make sense to him, and he kept voicing this at every opportunity. But every time he did. Louis would just look sad, tell him to trust him and tell him that he was sorry. And then they would kiss and touch and have sex and for a few blissful hours Harry would forget there was ever a problem. And he was fine to ignore those problems as much as he could.  
Until he received the letter in the post this morning. If there was ever a sign that the beginning of the end was near, it was that. Which was why he had made sure he had slept with Louis one last time. Because Harry was sure in his heart, that it would be the last time. He was just waiting for Louis to tell him all along.  
That he wasn’t gay. That he loved Eleanor. That he never wanted to see Harry again.

It would hurt less if Harry saw it coming. Wouldn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even if you don't like what you've read, I would really appreciate some feedback on how I could make it more pleasing to read. Thank you for your time :) xx


	6. Chapter 6

It was inevitable that Harry would leave Ed’s and go straight to his old house. He agreed with Ed that he needed to get Louis out of his system as soon as possible, and it was going to be hard, but for his sanity it had to be done.  
It was late when he arrived. Very late. He didn’t go to their attic room. He hadn’t slept in that room ever since Louis left. He couldn’t stand sleeping there without him, or even being in that room at all with the memories.   
Liam had been kind, he’d come over and cleared his clothes out of there, and for a little while he had moved into one of the spare rooms on the second floor. He’d been fine whilst he’d been driving over, but ever since he had walked through the front door, all he had wanted to do was sleep. He felt tired, so tired that he could hardly keep his eyes open. Of course it was late, and perhaps things would make more sense tomorrow. The house, and it’s contents and his memory bank could wait for the morning.  
However, something had other ideas.

Upon opening his bedroom door he shivered. A peculiar feeling was inching its way up his spine and it was almost like….as if he was waiting for something to happen. But he had no idea what it was.  
Trying hard to ignore it, he climbed into bed, shedding his clothes. He lay on his back, but no matter how tired he felt, he just couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned, but it was no good, he was wide awake now.  
Perhaps it was because of the moonlight streaming into the room through the uncurtained windows. Perhaps….  
Suddenly Harry sat upright in bed and as if obeying a commanding voice. He stared at the ornate mirror standing on the chest of drawers opposite. At the first view the mirror was a gleaming blank. It reflected nothing. Then, with a shock, Harry saw a different room in the glass. Lit by sunlight it was still his room, but clean and freshly painted as it would have been years ago.

He gasped, his eyes bugging out of his head as he saw a face reflected in the glass. It was like his own, but not his. It was Louis. His Louis when he had been nineteen years old, but he looked pale and ghostly and stared at Harry as though he could see him, hear his voice echoing in his mind requesting help.   
The picture of Louis in the mirror turned towards the door and from out of nowhere Harry could hear the sound of a real life someone beyond it. The sound of someone crying.

Shaking his head to dislodge the sights and sounds that he was obviously imagining, Harry was very happy when the room went black and the moonlight disappeared. Sitting up in bed, Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly. He doubted he had gotten a proper nights sleep in years, it was always interrupted or he dreamt about Louis.  
There had been a period where he had the same dream every night. Nothing special happened. It was just Harry and Louis, living life together and always ended with him going to sleep with Louis in his arms. He’d wake up, and for a few beautiful seconds he’d completely believe that Louis would be lying besides him. Then he’d remember. It was a truly shit way to begin the day.

The thick silence didn’t last long. His head shot up at the sound of furious voices. He blinked in the darkness, feeling sleepy and confused and stared in disbelief at two ghostly figures who were arguing loudly at the foot of his bed.

“Never!” the smaller figure screamed.

Moonlight flooded the room and Harry saw the figures faces for the first time. Harry felt his chest tightening. Had he come this unhinged by this whole sorry affair that he was now dreaming about transparent versions of nineteen year old Louis and his manager fighting in his room?  
The more he stared at them, heart beating rapidly in his chest, the transparent figures seemed to grow more solid and real in front of his eyes as his own room grew fainter. 

“I’ll never agree to this!” Louis shouted, racing around the room, closely followed by the man who had effectively ruined Harry’s life.  
“You will do exactly what I tell you to do” growled the manager, lunging for Louis who disappeared through the door - running straight through the solid wood as thought it wasn’t there. The man disappeared in the same fashion.  
Harry could make no sense of what was happening, but he felt like he should follow. Slipping out of bed, he tiptoed to the door and slowly turned the handle.

The first thing that hit Harry when he opened the door was the smell. He could smell Louis. Not in a creepy weird way. But he could smell his shampoo in the air, his aftershave, the vanilla candles that he liked to light when having a bath. It was everything that he wanted and everything that he had been trying to forget.  
Every single light in the seemingly endless corridor of the second floor was lit - which was strange in itself because Harry knew he had the electricity cut off when he moved out.   
A shiver ran down his spine. Was it fear or excitement? His senses were already on overload what with the smells around him and seeing little bits and pieces of his past life littered all over the corridor. There was his Jack Wills hoodie discarded on a table, a picture of him and Louis on the wall.   
He began to walk, almost as if he was dreaming and would wake up at any moment, yet he had the curious feeling that he was being led somewhere, or looking for something.  
He stopped abruptly as he brushed past a pine edged mirror, he saw….nothing! There was a hazy glow, but no reflection. He stepped back and sideways and shook his head, but still he only saw what was behind him. What the fuck was happening? He felt like he was awake, but how could he be anything but asleep?   
“Maybe I’m a ghost here” he whispered shuddering, suddenly all he wanted to do was wake up. In his own bed. In his proper home. But he didn’t try. Instead he pressed on.  
Marching on, his long legs covering a lot of ground quickly. To his left, a door was open, but was slowly closing before his eyes. Had someone recently gone through it?  
Taking a deep breath, he slipped through and shivered as an icy blast of air whistled around him. The door slammed shut behind him. He was in the entrance to an adjoining wing of the house. Here the lights were out. Only moonlight lit the way.  
“I don’t want to walk along here” he thought.  
Was it his imagination, or did someone really hiss in his ear in reply “You must Harry! Hurry!”

Harry began to walk quicker, faster and faster until he was running. As he ran Harry became aware of someone crying. Where was the sound coming from? Ahead or behind? It seemed to be everywhere.  
Harry ran up and down stairs, opened doors and started into deserted rooms. As each door opened, he hoped to reach the end of his search. On and on he raced, but still the crying continued. He was sure it was Louis.  
The crying, as loud as ever, leading Harry further into the house, yet he never seemed to get any closer. He saw no one, but in each room he felt as thought someone had left only seconds before.

Breathless and confused, he finally stopped. In the shadows of a conservatory, half hidden by tropical plants, stood the grim figure of….management. Slowly he turned around and stared right at him. Harry gulped. Everything went black.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry yawned and stretched “That was the weirdest dream” he muttered to himself, stretching his arms above his head. He was so uncomfortable. His bed felt strangely hard and lumpy, and freezing cold. Where had his duvet gone? Awake, but with his eyes still shut, he realised something was prickling his nose. He opened one eye suspiciously. This was definitely not his bedroom.  
Where was he? He sat up quickly and found himself fighting to get out of the way of a very large fern plant.  
“What the fuck am I doing here?” he spluttered looking around and recognising that he was in the conservatory and that he had been lying on their decorative stone benches.  
The last thing he remembered was his managers sinister stare. Harry shivered at the thought of it.  
“I don’t believe this” he muttered to himself, walking slowly back upstairs. Nothing was making sense anymore.  
Back in his room, Harry wondered into it, noticing how it was so much different and nicer in his sleep. The window panes were grimy and streaked with dirt, and his bedclothes, now looking at them in day light were covered with dust and badly needed a wash.   
The mirror suddenly caught his eye. He remembered looking in it the night before and seeing Louis in it. It seemed laughable to remember what funny visions he had in his sleep, but it just didn’t feel like it had been one.  
He peered closely at it, wondering if it was a trick of the light. Written across the glass in large thin, spidery writing - in Louis’ writing - was the word ‘Help”  
His mouth opened in confusion, and just as he was about to touch the letters on the glass with his finger, a prickling sensation ran down his back. Hearing the smallest noise behind him, he swung around.  
There, in the doorway was Louis. But not the Louis he was used to. Nineteen years old Louis, looking almost translucent like a hologram, like a shadow. As he gasped. Louis turned and looked at him staring into his eyes with an unhappy expression, a long sparkling tear looking like it was glistening in thin air. It was the exactly the same Louis that he had seen reflected in the mirror last night, frightening and intriguing him in equal measures.  
Louis looked sad and helpless, awaking every protective gene in his body. It had been such a long time since Harry had been allowed to stare deep into Louis’ eyes like this, and although he knew this wasn’t real and that it was some kind of strange and twisted fantasy he was living, he didn’t want to let it go. He couldn’t remember the last time Louis had properly looked at Harry. Even when he was in bed with him, he barely looked at him. Little snatches through his eyelashes every now and then. But nothing with any depth or intimacy. He never stuck around for a cuddle either. He just got up so he could change the sodding sheets.  
Right here, right now. Whatever his imagination wanted to show Harry, he would make the most of it.   
So he looked, memorising every inch of the boy who he knew he would never see again. The way his hair was scattered across his forehead, smooth skin, soft lips, fine chiselled jaw line. Heart aching, body screaming for an embrace. He stared unblinkingly until Louis began to fade right before his eyes.  
“Don’t go” called out Harry desperately, but the shadowy figure was almost transparent before he vanished into the air.

 

The first thing he did was leave that room. It was evident that he shouldn’t be in there. He wondered where he should start his mission. It had been such a long time since he’d been here, he couldn’t really remember what he had left behind and what he had taken in the first place. He wondered what stuff of Louis’ he would find.  
His stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him exactly how long it had been since he’d last eaten. There was obviously no food in the house. Besides he felt like he needed a break for a few hours. He’d go out, get something to eat, get some air and come back this afternoon. He was so caught up in his own head, that as he pulled his car out of the gate, locked it and set off to the left, he didn’t even notice Louis approaching in his car from the right.

 

The strangest thing was, that once Harry had left the house, he kept remembering that he had to do things which prevented him going back. He had to wait in to receive a delivery for some furniture that he didn’t remember ordering, his mum just happened to pass by with his sister unexpectedly to have a cup of tea and a catch up, his accountant called and asked him to come into discuss some shares that he had been interested in purchasing. In fact, every time he fleetingly thought about what he should be getting back to do, he would instantly remember something he needed to do more imminently and the rest of his thoughts just vanished.  
It wasn’t till the following morning that he got the undeniable urge to go back. And this time, nothing got in his way. Coincidence?

 

“Louis?”   
Louis could only stare in astonishment as the blackness turned to light and opened his eyes. Blinking in the bright lights, he screwed his face up, looking suspiciously at the boy who was leaning over him looking worried and confused.  
“Hey Haz” he replied wondering why his back was so painful.  
“What are you doing out here?” continued Harry “Are you feeling ok?”  
The next thing he knew, Harry was squatting in a concerned fashion next to him and pressing one of his large cool hands against his forehead.  
Louis went to prop himself up on his elbow, and it was only then that he realised that he was lying on a pile of gravel in his own driveway.  
Then suddenly it all came rushing back to him, the dream, the car, himself only younger, seventeen year old Harry in floods of tears on the phone to Liam. It was weird enough without realising that he’d actually sleepwalked outside! What if someone had seen him? What if there were photos? Was he even awake now?  
But this boy was definitely current Harry. He was sure of it and gratefully accepted the hand that he was offered to lift him up off the floor.  
“Here to collect your things?” he asked, realising that being here the same time as Harry was exactly what he hadn’t wanted.  
Harry nodded swiftly. Now he knew that Louis was ok, he seemed to find it difficult to maintain eye contact with him for long, and was looking haphazardly around at anything apart from him.  
“Do you…want to…..do this….together?” Louis finally found himself asking.

Harry wanted to say no. His head was saying no. He was starting to shake his head and tell Louis that it would be quicker to do this separately and that it would just be easier and more pleasant this way.  
“Yes” he heard himself say.   
He hadn’t said that had he? He wanted to say no. He tried again.  
“That would be the best idea” came out of his mouth. His eyes widened in confusion.   
Louis was smiling though “great!” he shrugged “Let’s get started. I was going to start in the void room”

Now it was Louis who was confused. He hadn’t wanted to ask Harry to do this with him. He had been about to say that he would leave Harry to it, and to give him a call when he was finished. But instead all of that had come out of his mouth?   
Harry didn’t even look like he wanted to say. He’d speak, and then his mouth would slightly make the motions of a goldfish, slightly gaping and looking lost. He was secretly glad that this wasn’t making just him feel uncomfortable.

“So why were you out in the driveway?” asked Harry, as they climbed up the stairs to the first floor where they had put the aptly named ‘void room’, which was where they put everything that they had no home for - or in Louis’ case, could not be bothered to put away properly. The room was just a mass of boxes and furniture. Both Harry and Louis sighed dejectedly. This was going to take a long time.

They didn’t talk much as they worked. Louis found some spiderman collectables that he had completely forgotten he had and this seemed to be the place where they kept all their awards from back in the day.  
The boxes seemed quite easy to sort through. For starters they looked just like ones that had never been unpacked when they moved in the first time, they were just stacked at the side of the room with their respective names written on them.

Harry was happily opening box number thirteen, when he felt his throat catch. It was a large box, but it only had one item inside it. A thick A4 envelope with ‘Confidential’ and ‘Louis Tomlinson’ written on the front.  
He froze. He had been wanting to read the contents of this envelope for years - ever since he had seen it delivered in person to Louis - and then everything had changed. This was it. This was the answer. This was why Louis had left him.


	8. Chapter 8

Louis could barely concentrate. The memories of being with Harry were cascading in front of his eyes. Every touch, whisper, laugh, hug - he was feeling and hearing everything like it had just happened. His head was starting to ache, and when he held his hand out in front of him, it was shaking.  
“Haz?” he suddenly questioned without looking at him, facing the wall in front of him.  
“Yeah?” came Harry’s reply followed by a frantic shuffle of boxes “What?”  
Louis spun around to face him. He was sitting on the floor over by the window.  
“Do you think we would have worked out?”  
He watched as Harry looked up from the box he was digging into on his lap.  
“What?”  
“If…things…had been different….do you think we would still be together now?”  
Harry frowned deeply and scratched his nose “Don’t know” he replied sullenly “But if we had, you wouldn’t have found the love of your life and wouldn’t have a family right now” he gave Louis a watery smile “So really things worked out perfectly for you anyway didn’t they?”

Louis thought about his picture perfect family and said nothing. What could he possibly say to that? Harry didn’t know half of what had happened. Why should he upset him and try to explain something that happened six years ago?

“How’s your…erm….who are you with now?” asked Louis, suddenly realising he had no idea who Harry was currently seeing. This was how out of touch he was these days.

A fleeting look of irritation crossed Harry’s face followed by an expression of calm.  
“I haven’t found my perfect family yet” he replied quietly, turning his back on Louis stiffly.

“But I thought….”

“No”

“But weren’t you seeing….”

“No”

Louis stopped. Harry’s tone was uncharacteristically hostile. He couldn’t understand why Harry wasn’t with somebody. He was flawless. Absolutely flawless. He was kind, he was sweet, he would give the shirt off his back regardless if he was asked for it or not. There wasn’t a bad bone in his body…and he could have had that. The realisation hit Louis like a brick thrown off a building. He could have had that. Harry could have been his.   
But he’d thrown it away. He stared at the floor. Trying desperately to blink away the tears.

 

Harry turned his back fully on Louis and roughly tore open the envelope. Desperate to see what was inside. He knew the contents of the envelope was why Louis had left him. But he had never known what it was. No one had known. Until now.  
As the paper tore, a bang echoed around the room, Harry dropping the envelope immediately as thick white smoke started gushing out of the slit.  
“What the….?” he exclaimed, looking over at Louis who was sat frozen in his position “Lou!”  
The smoke was getting thicker, and a strong smell of burning filled his nostrils “Lou! We’ve got to get out of here!” he shouted, sounding panicked. Louis wasn’t moving. He was just sitting there.  
Harry looked desperately on the floor as the envelope burst into flames. He tried stamping on it, but it burned his socked feet and did nothing.   
Harry felt frantic. The smoke was getting blacker and blacker by the second and the loud crackling was telling him that it was no longer just the envelope on fire. He could barely even see Louis anymore.  
“Haz?” Louis’ voice was small and scared. It was all Harry needed to hear. Coming quickly to his senses, he charged over to where Louis had been sitting, groping about for his small body. His hand closed around an arm and he pulled at it, dragging the stumbling boy to the door and shoving him through it.  
“It’s ok baby. I’ve got you” Harry panted cradling Louis to his chest as he carried him quickly. They needed to get out.  
The smoke had spread quickly. If he hadn’t have known the layout like the back of his hand he knew he would have gotten lost in his disoriented state.   
“Haz help me!” Louis whimpered in his arms sounding completely terrified “I don’t want to die! I need you!”  
“I’ve got you baby” Harry promised as they defended the stairs, making sure Louis’ nose and mouth were fully covered with his jacket to prevent him from breathing in too much smoke. Even if he died, he was going to make sure his boy survived.   
Eyes burning, lungs bursting, he struggled to get to the front door. The fresh air hit him immediately as they tumbled into the driveway, Louis in his arms.

Only. They weren’t in the driveway. And Louis was no longer in his arms.

I’m dead. Realised Harry in shock looking around. He felt fine. He couldn’t smell any smoke. His eyes weren’t closing against his will. But where was Louis?

“Haz?” came Louis’ voice right on cue.

“oh my god Lou!” gasped Harry, tumbling into Louis’ arms “I’m so sorry! It’s all my fault! I should never have looked!”  
“What are you on about?” Louis frowned as he raised a hand to pat the trembling boy who was trying to climb into his arms “What are you doing?”  
“I killed you!” Harry sobbed “I killed us in the fire!”  
“What fire? Harry, if you’re going to be in my dream you could at least talk some sense or blow me!”  
“Dream? There was a fucking fire Louis! You said you didn’t want to die! I pulled you out of the house”  
“Then why are we in the house?”  
“Shit! I opened the wrong door! Louis come on! We’ve got to get out of here!” Harry grabbed Louis’ hand and dragged him towards the hall. Once again he opened the front door, fresh air hitting his hot sweaty face as he and Louis stumbled through it.  
To end up in the room they had just left.  
“They don’t want us to leave” Louis muttered squeezing Harry’s hand tighter and shuffling closer to him “Harry, I don’t like this”  
“What’s that sound?” Harry asked suddenly “It’s coming from the basement. Come on”  
“I don’t want to go down there!” hissed Louis stubbon as always, but he let Harry drag him along by the hand “This is my dream, you should be doing what I tell you to do. Now suck my cock!”  
Harry spun around and glared at him “This is not a dream!” he insisted “However, is that what you usually dream about? Me sucking you off?”  
Louis blushed “Not just you sucking me off” he admitted “We make love too” he stared at the floor as he felt his cheeks flush pink, even more so when Harry cupped his hands around them and tilted his face upwards.  
“I’m sorry I never got to tell you how much I really love you” he murmured looking so sad and guilty “I’m so sorry I didn’t save you. I’m sorry I’ve made your wife a widow and your baby without a father”  
“For fucks sake Harry! I am not dead!” shouted Louis “You are not dead! I am just asleep! This whole messed up situation is doing weird shit to my head! So stop saying things you don’t mean, because I’m going to have to remember it all when I wake…and I don’t want you to tell me that you love me!”  
“Why?” Harry’s voice was so small  
“Because” and Louis hated that he was starting to fall apart “Because I love you so much that I think my heart is going to explode and I miss you so much and I need you so much more than you will ever know!”  
Harry closed his eyes and lunged forward, kissing Louis with every ounce of strength he had left in him.  
“I knew i was dead” he murmured into his mouth “because you would never say that if I was alive!”  
Louis kissed him back, pressing his whole body against Harry’s trying to get in as many kisses before he woke up and had to “make love” to his wife again. It killed him a little bit more every time.  
“I’m really sorry” Harry suddenly said tearing his lips away from Louis’ “But I have to find that sound. It’s really hurting my ears it’s so loud”  
“Haz I can’t hear anything” Louis complained, wanting to get back to their kiss. But once again, he allowed Harry to tow him along.  
The sound was getting louder as they reached the door to the basement just off the kitchen. Harry opened it, and then suddenly slammed it shut.  
“You know what!” he exclaimed spinning Louis around and pushing him away “There are some things that we just don’t need to pay attention to”  
“What? Haz? Stop pushing me!” squeaked Louis as he was propelled forward through the kitchen door, and into the basement.  
“Great, it’s the wrong door trick again” groaned Harry in frustration “Ok, Lou. Just stick your fingers in your ears ok?”  
Louis glared, but complied. Never had he had a dream like this one before. Although strangely, putting his fingers in his ears was like putting headphones in. He could hear music as clear as if he was listening to his ipod. Was that Harry singing?

I’m trying not to feel you but, you just brushed by,  
and if you dare to cross that line you know my toes will set on fire,  
oh sizzle when it’s face on face and skin on skin,  
I’m trying to keep you out and I’m trying to keep me in

one hundred million eyes behind these walls,  
watching you, hearing you, knowing you

keep me a secret, keep my out your arms,  
keep your kisses of her lipstick,  
stop me swallowing your charms,  
keep yourself a secret,  
lock up all your doors,  
I’ll keep you out of my dreams,   
just you keep me out of yours 

Louis removed his fingers from his ears, eyes wide. He had never heard that song before. But there was no mistaking Harry’s voice.  
“Was that about me?” he asked Harry who was anxiously looking at something behind him. Louis spun around and saw….Harry. Harry from a couple of years ago. Standing in front of some recording equipment with Liam.

“Did it help?” Liam was asking, his whole presence shimmering like a hologram.  
“No” apparition Harry was saying tearfully “Nothing’s ever going to help Li. Not this song. Not the last song. Not the one I haven’t even written yet. Nothing’s going to make it better”  
“You just have to give it time” Liam was trying to reassure him, massaging his shoulders.

“See I told you I was right” came dream Harry’s triumphant voice “We are dead. You’ve never heard this song before. So how can you dream about it?”  
“Maybe you didn’t actually write the song. it’s my dream I can make you say anything I want you too!”  
“Funny!” smirked harry “I haven’t sucked you off yet. I am definitely calling the shots here”  
“For the first time ever!” countered Louis, then added “Was that song about me?”  
Harry sighed. He’d heard it, he might as well admit to it.  
“yes it was. Liam wanted me to put my feelings into words in order to get over you”  
“Did it work?”  
“I wrote about sixty songs” replied Harry dryly “Does it sound like it worked?”

“Do you still love me?” asked Louis quietly as they watched the scene play out in front of them. Performer Harry and Liam were singing once more. Only this time they were muted.

“I never stopped” Harry promised “Do you love me?”  
“Nothing could stop me from loving you” assured Louis “I never knew you felt this strongly about me. This was written years after we broke up”  
“I promised to your face that I would love you forever” Harry reminded him softly and pulled him into his arms again once more for a cuddle “Forever is nowhere near finished yet”  
Louis closed his eyes, breathing in Harry’s scent and snugging into his jumper.

When he opened his eyes. Harry was still holding him closely. But the ghosts of his past had left them. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics were from Keep Me a Secret by Ainslie Henderson


	9. Chapter 9

“What are you doing?” asked Harry as Louis fiddled with his iPhone, switching it off and on, and then holding it up towards the ceiling.  
“Trying to get a signal” Louis told him frowning with concentration “every time I try to make a call all I get is static. Won’t let me send a text either”  
“Of course it won’t” Harry told him from where he was spread out on his settee “We’re dead, you can’t expect to be able to make contact with the other side. Who were you trying to contact anyway? Your wife and kid?”  
“Actually yes”  
Harry made a silent ‘O’ with his lips and went to look blankly at the ceiling abruptly.  
“I’m going to try outside” Louis announced walking towards the door “Besides, I already told you. We’re not dead”  
“Good luck with that” Harry told him sarcastically, knowing exactly what was going to happen, and for entertainment value sat up to watch Louis exit into the hall, then spun around as he heard a sharp intake of breath from behind him where Louis had entered the room again instantly from a door that opened into the kitchen.  
“When are you going to get used to the fact that we can’t leave the room?” asked Harry tiredly “You’ve done that four times already”  
“And it fucks me off every time” Louis snapped throwing himself pretty much on top of Harry on the settee “Usually I have much more control of what happens to me in my sleep. And I know I woke up!”  
Harry pulled louis into his arms and  sighed with contentment.  There was a part of him that was terrified , lost and confused about exactly what was happening to him.  But he was with Louis.  Louis who was actually cuddling him for the first time in ages.  Louis who seemed happy enough to just lie in his arms and enjoy spending time together just like it had before when they had first moved in together.

"do you know the last time I was properly happy was when we moved in here" he voiced, slipping his hand under Louis' top and stroking his soft skin with the tips of his fingers.

"I honestly don't think I will ever be that happy again"

Louis stirred, but didnt move.

"same for me" he confessed "you have no idea how many regrets I have about what happened Haz. I have wished so many times to be able to go back and change my mind.  Every shooting star I've seen, every birthday candle, I even made two thousand wishes throwing pennies into wishing wells and fountains - just so I could go back and change what I did wrong.  Or see what I did wrong first to stop it from happening again." 

Louis buried his head once more into Harry's chest.

"But no one can change the past can they.  It's not like you can ever see yourself from an outsiders perspective and get the chance to relive a mistake.  No matter how many wishes you made"

Harry frowned.  His head was a little fuzzy and cloudy, but there was something on the tip of his tongue that he couldn't quite put into words.

"so we were last happiest here?" He confirmed "in the house we brought together, because that was the last time that we were actually able to do what we wanted to do?"

"best time of my life" Louis replied dully "and if it hadn't been for me being a coward and standing up for  us we would bs till be living it"

"what exactly did you wish for?" Asked harry curiously, feeling as if a few puzzle pieces were joining together.

"Please take me back to that morning so I can do everything I should have done in the first place" Louis reeled off.  He looked into Harry's face "I'm so sorry, I never knew it was going to hurt so badly,  if I got to go back, I would never hurt you again and show the whole world how much you mean to me"

"So you think about it a lot?" asked Harry, feeling surprised although he really shouldn't have been.  There was once a time when he was certain that he had been Louis' whole world. But that was many years ago.  Before the marriage, before the baby.  Before he had been cut out of Louis' life.

"every day" replied Louis sadly "Sometimes I can make it to ten minutes without thinking about you, and what we would have become"

"then why did you marry Eleanor?" Harry couldn't resist asking

"I was young" admitted Louis simply "I was trying to make the best of a bad situation.  I was hormonal, I wanted to have sex and she was there, she found me attractive.  Still does.  Don't know why.  I stopped asking her for sex years ago"

"So you don't anymore?"

"well obviously"

it was blatantly obvious to Harry that Louis didn't really believe that this conversation was real.  If he did he would notice how glassy Harry's eyes had become at the thought of his Louis and his wife together made him feel.

"hey!"

Louis snapped his fingers in front of Harry's face, bringing him out of his trance.

"don't feel bad about it.  I don't want to be with her like that.  But it's part of my punishment.  I've got to lie in the bed I made"

"why are you so convinced you are asleep now?"

Louis laughed "Like there is any other explanation for this!  Ever since I've been here, all I have done is relive moments from the past.  I saw me when I left.  I saw you.  Heard you crying to Liam that I was leaving you over the phone.  Broke my heart"

They stayed silent for a few minutes.  Louis pressing his face into Harry's neck, playing with his hair between his fingers.

Harry's mind was in overdrive.  He thought about the papers in the mail stating the house was being sold.  How he couldn't stop it.  He thought about the younger version of Louis in his bedroom mirror begging him for help.  The fight between the ghosts, waking up in the conservatory.  The important papers catching fire and smoking them out of that room intending up in this one where the only thing they were able to do was talk.  

If he had seen stuff and Louis had seen things.

"Haz?"

"Lou?"

"what do you think the odds were that we would ever have been together in this house again?"

"zero" Harry told him confidently

"I didn't sell the house"

"You know that wish you made?" Harry asked carefully, turning his face to look directly into Louis' beautiful blue eyes.

"I think it's coming true"

A sharp expression of understanding crossed Louis' face. As though he could hardly believe what Harry had said could be possible.  But it all made sense.  Somewhere, something or someone had heard one of his thousands of pleas and granted him a lifeline.

There was a loud click, a light breeze, and from somewhere in the rafters - a sigh of relief - as the door of the living room swung open  on its own accord.

**Author's Note:**

> Even if you hate my work, please can you let me know what you dislike about it? Constructive criticism is welcome if it has the ability to make my writing more enjoyable. Thank you for your time :) xx


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